Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
