At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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