see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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