Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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