my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
