I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
