At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
