I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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