There was a lot of him and a little penis
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
