$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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