thus making me awesome and them whores
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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