A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
