so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
