Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
