I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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