My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
