you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
