Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
