i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
