It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
