just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
