I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
