alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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