He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
