I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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