so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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