Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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