we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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