i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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