Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
