so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Every concussion has its silver lining
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
