ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
