i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
