You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
