my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
