Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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