I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
