I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
