...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
