I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
