Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
