Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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