Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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