dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
