All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
