Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
