the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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