official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
