Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
