you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
