Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I intend to get homeless drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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