You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
