Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
