I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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