They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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