If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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