Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
