I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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